all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
