just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
