Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just found puke in my bra..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
