Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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