She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
