they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
