ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
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I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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