He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
