You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
