I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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