Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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