Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
