don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
