Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
