bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
