had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You ate ashes out of my bong
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
