she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
