...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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