Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
