perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
