you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
