did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
