Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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