I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
