My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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