I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
