my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize
