I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
