If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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