I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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