So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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