he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She said her name was "party"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
