I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
