I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
