rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
