the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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