You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
