She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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