I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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