I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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