Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
