Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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