Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
