Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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