So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
