Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
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im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
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Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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