I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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