I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm both gender and math confused
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
