We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
