My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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