you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
