The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
