All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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