her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
