So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
