and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
