in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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