i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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